So I moved to TA. When I woke up first morning in my tiny blue room, I was disoriented, I felt at home, but it took me a bit to realize where exactly I was.
Now when I ride a green city bike through the city just before sunrise on my way to work, I pass Rothschild boulevard, spacious and glorious Habima square and wide Ibn Gvirol road, I have a feeling that I not only like this place, but I seem to fit here. Not quite easily, with fare amount of struggle and effort, but this city suits me.
Others I loved, liked or was tolerant of. But I am an integral part of this one.
Like with registering to my tai chi school, it was a move that felt so right, like why haven’t I done this sooner?
It was late when she finally returned home. Her parents weren’t there, probably went out too. Good for them, she thought.
She skipped the kitchen, going straight to her room. The warm and so familiar feeling of being with Max, the home feeling was all around her, in the way her chest felt warm, her feet felt light, how everything looked like glowing a little.
She put on a disc she just bought, Max’s favorite band and opened her diary. She used to write a lot. Random thoughts, short poems, dreams. But she haven’t done so in a last few weeks. Since Here’s first appearance actually.
The song sounded strangely familiar, though Nelly never heart of this band before today. She struggled to remember where she might have heart it. Well of course! Here… The song he hummed her to sleep with. Wow… Just wow… that’s bizarre… And so expected, natural at the same time.
She doodled absentmindedly along with the song’s tune until she felt tired and calm enough to fall asleep.
Looking at the picture in the morning, she realized she draw an island house and a boy with greenish hair standing by the door, smiling at her.
Funny, dark and bitter sweet. Sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll and a typewriter.
This show is a constant battle between what we should be or do and what we are. I am reading this book, called “A Wrinkle in time”. A group of kids is sent to a planet, that surrendered to the great evil. People on this planet do things exactly right, exactly like everyone else, because they don’t have a mind of their own any more, they have one big mind, that thinks for every one.
We used to thinking that stuff that is not in a norm is weird or even evil, but what if the norm is the evil?
Certainly the answer is somewhere in the middle, and there isn’t one and only one right. Otherwise it wouldn’t be fun living, would it?
Californication is just about that. They take stereotypes and look into them: rock star, hippie, writer, housewife, parents, teenagers, students, teachers etc.
May be I should fight
May be I should try
But the world is wide
And there is one
Who’ll play for me
So I go
Love, smile, be
Thank you for hope
Thank you for dream
I’ll treasure those
And take my leave
I am not a sticker
I am not a fighter
Just a believer
That one day I might
Wake up and see
Him choosing me
By moment, by breath,
By look, by step
It’s beautiful for sound track and shooting. Other than that…
My first reaction was: it’s a bit shallow. Well, mixing vampire fantasy with critical overview on society kinda makes it loose on both ends.
On the other hand this “and?” mark , that I was left after the film, encouraged thinking.
He is the depressed one, the thinker. She is the lover of the simple pleasures. Like plants, animals, dancing.
I like the Eva character, typical unruly teenager. And I agree with her, Adam and Eve are snobs.
“What choice do we have?”
Every year my Tai Ji school holds a 合宿, which means a training camp in Japanese, the Chinese alternative I believe can be 练营. Basically it means, that the whole school gathers at one location and practices from morning to evening for a week.
Up until this year, I came for two may be three days, but since I had the time, I finally went for the whole package.
So 40 hours, 5 days – check.
Few years back I participated at Vipassana 10 day retreat. The after thought was, that it was the most challenging thing I’d ever done. Well now Vipassana has a competitor.
Physically this training week was almost easy and very much fun, but emotionally for me it was tough.
Every time I get excited and forget, that I don’t actually liked big gatherings like this, no more than I like long shopping tours. I get tired quickly. Too much people is not my thing.
A friend said, that it’s strange coming from someone, who spent few years in China. Yeah, true, I guess. On one hand I remember on busy weekend in Beijing subway thinking, what if all those people were Israelis instead. On the other, when I participated in Strawberry rock festival, I didn’t like it either.
Any how, Pride Parade. The city was dressed with rainbow flags for the whole week. It was a usual hot sunny day. Pride Parade is first of all very colorful event. You meet all sorts of people in this live river. People go to extremes. Surrounded with the vibe of acceptance and fun it’s liberating. Every thing goes. I think, that’s the main point of the thing.
When I was a teenager, I used to have a habit of falling in love with a song and putting it on repeat, until I (and everyone around me) couldn’t stand it any more. My roommate and best friend at some point stopped showing me her new discoverings, cause we liked similar things, and chance that her new favorite song will become mine as well was very high. And no song, doesn’t matter how good, can stand the repeat treatment for long.
At some point, quiet long ago, having a self-reflection episode, I was toying with a thought, if I pick so much from others, it goes to music, movies, books, clothes etc., what is actually mine? Well, then I came to conclusion, that stuff , that is not “mine” doesn’t stick, and stuff that is, becomes an other note, an other stroke in my own story, changes smth in me by correlating with my previous “possessions”.
Now I rarely use my old habit and put something on repeat, but there are exceptions, like my latest pic-up & repeat “victim” – “badlands”.
עברו 15 שנה, אבל אני זוכרת. הדף המצ׳וקמק הזה עובר איתי מעיר לעיר מדירה לדירה. ובשעה של בילבול ,אחרי מערכות יחסים שכשלו , התאהבויות שלא פרחו, כיף להוציא אותו שוב לאור ולהגיד תודה .כי אכן היה אחד שראה אותי ככה:
שקט שאפשר לתאר
אמת שאפשר להרגיש
אישה שרק ניתקה מחבל אימה
כן, את אישה אמיתית
כן, את הכי אישה
שקט שאפשר לתאר
את ילדת אלוהים
לא אשכח אותך